Recovery

Hello incredible friends.  I wanted to do an update about my surgery.

Here was Hadley entertaining me the night before.  She was up way later than normal, but she was keeping me so distracted with funny faces that I loved it.

 

The surgery went very well.  I think the procedure was about an hour and a half.  I dreamed I was taking a nap holding little Hadley in my arms.  It was so peaceful.  I wouldn't have had it any other way.

She brought me a lot of peace in the pre-op short stay area.  As I walked in the little bay and put my gown on I was feeling extremely nervous.  But as soon as I was able to hold her, my nerves instantly calmed.  They really should let anyone gearing up for a scary event hold a little baby before hand.  They just ooze peace.  My mom, Matt, and my sister in law Hannah with my niece Quinn just all gathered in my tiny little room waiting with me.  We just chatted and had a nice time, so I was well distracted.  I still got waves of nervousness (plus I hadn't eaten/drank in 12 hours and with breastfeeding that makes you really shaky).  Soon enough, they came to get me.

Here we are in pre-op.  She charmed all the staff, of course.

Surgery was scheduled for 11, but I didn't go in until noon.  I remember all the bright white lights in  the room and just wishing they would hurry and put me to sleep.  Only after a few minutes, they did just that.

In recovery, my pain was so strong that I couldn't swallow which made me feel like I couldn't breathe.  Plus, I remember just really wanting to see the doctor to find out if he thought it looked benign or malignant (he had said he would most likely be able to tell).  The nurse cranked up my oxygen and gave me 2 doses of fentanyl, and I was able to go back to short stay within an hour.

The doctor met with my family in the waiting room and said he just wasn't certain either way if the tumor was benign or malignant.  The tumor was bigger than they had surmised from the CT scan, and it went up in to my jaw line.  He said if it had been turned the other direction, I would have felt it much earlier.  Thankfully it was fully encapsulated in the gland, so he feels that he removed all of it.  He did say that the rest of the surrounding area looked really good.  He took out one lymph node next to the tumor.  It didn't look all that concerning but he just didn't want to have to do another surgery to take it out later for any reason.  He had to get back to clinic so I never saw him after, but I will meet him tomorrow morning to have him pull my penrose drain (looks like a flat straw sticking out of my neck).  He's coming in just for me on 4th of July which is so nice of him.

I had been really nervous about nausea after the anesthesia because I was so nauseous with my wisdom teeth sedation.  The anesthesiologist gave me a scopolamine patch to prevent nausea for 72 hours; it was a huge success.  I have not had one hint of nausea.  Yay!  I've just had enough nausea in the past year from my pregnancy, so I am stoked that I didn't have to deal with it this time.

We stayed in short stay for a little over an hour, and they let us go home.  I went to sleep as soon as we got here, and slept pretty much the entire night except for getting up to feed Hadley.

As a nurse, I always tell my patients that swelling and concurrently pain will increase in the first 48 hours. I'm definitely experiencing that now.  I have been much more painful than I had anticipated.  Even with staying on top of all the pain meds, it's just very sore.  Plus, you don't realize how much you move your neck to look around, talk, drink, or eat.  Eating is especially tough, but my mom filled my fridge with juice and soft things, and I've been able to take a few bites of solids today too.

Again, its all just much more intense than I had thought it was going to be, but it's probably good because knowing me if I felt at all normal, I'd push myself and not just rest.  You would all be proud of me because I am laying low and asking for help.  Everyone has been generous beyond words.

I have a stocked fridge, gourmet meals, gorgeous flowers, restaurant gift cards, and infinite offers for help with kiddos and laundry and chores/errands.  It's mind-blowing.

The boys devoured the quinoa and black bean quesadillas that Jinger left in my fridge while we were at the hospital.  And Lauren and the kids brought dinner today.  How cute are the "bigs" Brooklyn and Tyler holding the "littles" Levi and Hadley.  The "middles" Ben and Gavin were off somewhere probably causing mischief. ;-)

I want to say one extra special thank you to the several moms who have messaged me offering their frozen breastmilk.  That stuff is liquid gold and very hard earned on their part, so the fact that they would offer that on their own is just beyond words for adequate thank you.  I've told them that I was able to get through surgery fine because I have a decent amount in the freezer but if there is any upcoming treatment that will require me to pause nursing, I will absolutely accept the gift.  Hopefully it does not come to that and they can bless another mom with it, but knowing that it's out there has given me so much peace in that area.

My friend Kristin just posted on her caring bridge the following, and she said it so well that I'm going to quote her:

"Once again, I just want to express my gratitude and appreciation for all the support I've received. All the offers to help with our girls, chores around our house, or food for our family from those of you living around us have been incredibly selfless and amazing. All the prayers and love from our family and friends that don't live around us have been incredibly encouraging. Then there's the notes from people that I've never even met, and those are incredibly inspirational. It has all been overwhelming, but in the best way possible :). Thank you! Those two words feel ridiculously inadequate, but they're all I've got. I just hope you all know that none of what you've done or said has gone unnoticed. The strength and determination you have shared with me will help me conquer this."

Thank you Kristin for saying so well all that feel in my heart. Kristin had her PET scan this morning. Please pray that the PET and her biopsy from yesterday all come back showing NO metastasis and NO lymph node involvement. Also, she is in a clinical trial for a new drug, so please pray that she gets the real medication and not the placebo. PRAY PRAY PRAY!

Alrighty, this is long enough, but I just wanted to share how things went. Those who know me know how self-sufficient I like to be, so you'd be proud of me because I am not only accepting help but actually requesting it. This afternoon Matt had a meeting, so I texted a couple friends to see if anyone could come over to help. Sure enough, the amazing Jenny Devine jumped on it and brought her kiddos to entertain mine. It made what could have been a very stressful afternoon so chill and peaceful.

So, if you offer to help, I very well may take you up on it :-). Some seasons of life just call for extra hands, and that is what community is all about. I love each and every one of you for your extreme generosity of time, resources, and incredibly encouraging words. I love you all so much for it.

Simply put, thank you.

~ Jessica

Prayers ...

I think it is always so important to acknowledge and thank God for answered prayers.  So from my list last time, I have several praises.

1.  Surgery could not have gone smoother, and there was no nerve damage!

2.  I only had to dump ONE feeding.  

3.  We did tell the boys a short little bit about the surgery, and they were totally fine with it.  Plus, they have LOVED all the extra company and attention around here.

4.  Jon and Kelly safely arrived in Bend.  Not without stress because the youngest Anna seems to have some sort of a strain in her lower leg and is refusing to walk on it.  No fracture on X-Ray.  Hopefully it will clear up soon.  It's sort of impossible to unpack while holding a 2 year old.

5.  Kristin said she is not too sore and is recovering well from her lymph node biopsy.

6.  God has been so fully present in all of the details I've needed him to take care of.  

7.  My BIGGEST praise of all is the steady stream of peace I've been feeling.  I just know it is from all of the people praying.  I have been able to just really feel calm and in the moment, and even if the pathology comes back as malignant, I just have this strong sense that everything is going to be ok.

For those who would like to keep praying for us and have asked for specifics, here are some new ideas.

1.  I have to get my drain pulled tomorrow, and I'm thinking that is not going to feel amazing.  Prayers for good pain control during that and just in general, as it is still quite painful now.

2.  That the boys would have a fun 4th of July even though we can't do much out and about.  

3.  To get the pathology back as soon as possible, and for it to be BENIGN!

4.  To get my thyroid biopsy scheduled and done and for it to be benign as well.

Happy long weekend everyone!